Three hilarious programs making fun of classical music

DON'T SHOOT ME, I'M ONLY THE PIANO PLAYER - The show that made David's reputation in the West End of London and at 3 consecutive Edinburgh Festivals. A brilliant mix of the classics, send-ups of the classics, and topical/social satire. Still going strong after 15+ years, and continuously updated with new material, Don't Shoot Me... features, among other things, a piece by Andrew Lloyd Webber and a piece by Bach, played at the same time, one with the right hand, the other with the left; a popular folk tune played in the styles of Mozart, Rachmaninoff, a Sony Walkman and a blues, delicious comedy routines on anything from corporate sponsorship to supermarket culture, and, of course, David's "comedy classic", his translation of the lyrics of Waltzing Matilda. Don't Shoot Me... saw David being dubbed the new Victor Borge very early on in his career, but pure music lovers will not be short-changed, for, when David starts to play a piece seriously, he actually finishes it!

MAESTRO - A CELEBRATION OF MUSICAL ECCENTRICS - created by popular demand after the success of Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only the Piano Player, MAESTRO is a tour-de-force of character acting and piano playing, in which David brings to life 25 of the greatest nut-cases in musical history (and plays their works). Bach, Beethoven, Sir Thomas Beecham, Oscar Levant and others are brought to life, or impersonated, with pinpoint accuracy. In MAESTRO you will:-

- Be invited for drinks with the mad Erik Satie
- Hear a complete Beethoven sonata played in jazz
- Find out why Percy Grainger took a bath with his clothes on
- Discover how Toscanini lost an orchestra in the middle of the desert
- Meet the world's worst opera singer, and the world's worst violinist
- Hear the three tenors sing "Moon River"
AND MUCH MORE!

This concert will make you laugh a lot, cry a little, and marvel at the beauty of the piano when played by a master.

A Shorte Hysterical Historie of Musicke - this is David's latest offering, which recently received its world premiere in the United States. It takes music from Gregorian chant up to the present day, and hilariously compares the lifestyles of the great composers with our own contemporary living, by imagining how musical geniuses down the ages would cope with modern society, if they could time-travel. What sort of messages would Mozart have on his voicemail, and would Bach, with 20 kids, allow them to use his cell phone? Would Wagner eat junkfood? Amid all this mayhem the musical content is David's most ambitious yet, for instead of playing works by the great masters, all the music is his own, but composed in the styles of those masters. And it sounds authentic  - his recreations of Mozart, Debussy and many others, sound as though they are newly discovered "lost" works by those composers - even down to his delightful exercise in "How not to write a country and western song."             

1. Venue specifications: All 3 shows are flexible, and can be performed in any type of venue; concert hall, community hall, library/gallery space etc. They can be performed in pure concert format, or as a cabaret-style event, i.e. with a dining (or bring-a-basket) component. The latter arrangement works extremely well in rural areas, especially at weekends.

2. Technical needs: A tuned piano (grand or upright - or if not available, a full-sized electric keyboard), microphone (lapel, or standard on a boom stand), sufficient lighting to cover performer & piano with a 2 metre spill either side of piano.

3. Touring party/number of shows etc: Touring party of two, 6 shows (max) per week, all shows run 2 hours, inclusive of a 15-minute interval.4. Fees: Flexible, depending on size/type of venue. By Negotiation. Presenter groups also to provide overnight accomodation.